Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Nipples and such


My husband says what he thinks almost all the time. Nobody is spared generally. Most of the time it’s in a good natured way. I tell him from time to time that I am going to start a blog dedicated to him and all the crap that comes out of his mouth. You know, like that “Sh*t my Dad says” type deal. He always responds that I should, I have a lot to say and need to be heard, he claims. Me blogging about all about him, he would LOVE it! This is why I won’t do it. It would make him happy. What kind of wife would I be if I did things to make my husband happy?

I will however share a few tidbits of my husband’s debauchery and the crap that comes out his mouth from time to time.

Recently…I am getting ready for bed and he is reading in bed, eating a popsicle. Remind me to tell you about his addiction to popsicle’s sometime. It’s going on 3 years now with the friggin nightly pile of popsicle sticks on his bedside table. Weird. And annoying. I quickly whip off my shirt and do a mad grab for my pyjama top (even though he is reading I can’t chance his quick eyes catching a glimpse of my naked flesh or he will get ideas. Ideas I am way too tired for tonight. Okay not just tonight. A lot of nights.) In my mad scramble to.get.this.freakin.shirt.on.as.fast.as.possible. I see he has spotted me…and them. His eyebrow raises and he grins. He does his regular whistle and comment. Nice boobs he says. I ignore him and continue to try and get.this.freakin.shirt.on.as.fast.as.possible. I realize I am trying to put my head in the arm hole. Damn. More time exposed. He has a funny look on his face. I finally get my shirt on. Phew. I lay down and he rolls over and looks at me thoughtfully. And he blurts out. Your right nipple always looks so angry. And it always glares at me. Not sure what a girl should say at a moment like this?

I apparently have an angry nipple that glares at my husband. But really, who doesn’t have one angry, glaring nipple right? Right? Anyone?


  1. Hmm I wonder if anyone will respond to a post such as this? I also wonder if anyone has a husband who might say their spouse has an angry nipple. I have however managed to have water come through my nose as this post made me laugh so hard. I think I might (straight faced) go home and "tell" my husband that I think one of "my" nipples are angry and see if he agrees. Which then leads me to the question "How will I respond if he says I do"? Punch to the gut, laugh out loud or maybe an equally strange comment like "yeah, well your penis is crocked". Take that!

    Signed your #1 fan

  2. Dear # 1 fan,
    I am sure your nipples are not angry. I am sure I am alone on this one. hwever I would love for you to ask your hubby what type of personality your nipples do have...see what he says! And tell him Jaksgirl says hi!


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