Monday, June 3, 2013

This ain't no joke...

Don't you hate that your arms are just a tad too short to be able to reach back and properly give your butt a good wipe?
Yeah, me too. Good thing there is a product out there that can help us.
The Comfort Wipe
Just as flat hair is so last year, regular toilet paper is so 1880s. The modern solution? The Comfort Wipe, an "arm extension and holder" that adds a full 18 inches to your reach. It's simple, really — first attach the toilet paper, then reach, then wipe, then press a button, then pray that the button you pressed actually releases the soiled TP into the toilet.


Okay, okay. So there might actually be medical reasons that one might find it hard to reach their backsides for a good wiperooni (a what? A wiperooni, yeah that's a word. Probably not). I am thinking back problems, shoulder issues, that type of stuff.  So, I will let this one go but...
The Cuchini
There's only one kind of cleavage that's hot (or two, counting toe if you're into that sort of thing), and the cooter kind is not one of them. Which is where the Cuchini comes in. It's a pad that slips into your undergarments to "smooth the ridges of a woman's mons pubis area." That's technical jargon for fix yourself, girl, you've got a cameltoe. So the next time you feel like slipping into your fave pair of too-tight spandex shorty-shorts and hike them up to your chin, at least have the decency to "seal your lips" with the Cuchini.

Ummm... seal your lips? What the? I have to admit that seeing "the ridges of a woman's mons pubis" (I have no issues using the other term here but it does offend some so I am using the technical term) is totally gross. It really creeps me out. Nasty. But this product...kinda creeps me out just as much. Disturbing stuff I tell ya.
And that's all for randomness once again.
Happy Monday!


  1. Oh my goodness!!! You are so clever and witty!! Seriously I'm dying over here!!!!

  2. I will stick to the old fashioned wiperooni ( and yes there is such a word! LOL) despite back issues! My suggestion for topic # 2 is: Ladies just DON'T wear anything "too tight"!! Geez! Funny post...loved it!

  3. My thoughts as well!If it's that's just not right. Don't wear it!!!

  4. Ok I could have used the wiperooni when I was preggo....yep, that would have been helpful. The other thing though. OH MY GOODNESS!!!!


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